Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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