Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
We talked him into tasing himself.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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