I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
