Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
