i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
