After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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