Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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