Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
