I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
