Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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