Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
