the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
