I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
