Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I think I am morally bankrupt
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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