I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
