You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
