A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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