Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
