Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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