i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
We need to get me chipped asap
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
