i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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