I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Randomize
