thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
