And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You took a bar mat shot.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
