I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
