the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
