Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
