the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Randomize
