it wasn't lemon gatorade
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
