I'm gonna have a badass scar
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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