Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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