I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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