I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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