That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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