I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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