have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize
