Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
