Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
