you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
