So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize