Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Randomize
