I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
