I'll bet she douches with gravy.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I still have a little drunk in my system
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
