We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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