ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
