you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
