Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
