Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
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