so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i just google imaged poop.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
