you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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