those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
