You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
