She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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