8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
