Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
