i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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