I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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