Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
