Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize