I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
