im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
