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If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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