She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
